Instructions not Included: By Dr. De Leon

 “Be shepherds of God’s flock that is under your care- serving as overseers, not because you must but because you are willing….and when the Chief shepherd appears you will receive the crown of glory that will never fade away.”  I Peter 5:2-4

About a month ago, my mother called me in a panic not knowing what to do with my dad who was not “acting right,” worst he was “not being reasonable!”

As I proceeded to tell my mother how to handle my psychotic and confused father hearing the fear in my mother saying “you need to come over quick. Only you know how to calm him down.”  It occurred to me that the reason I can be so calm and able to handle my dad and most any psychotic individual is not any particular or unique talent that I posses. Aside from experience is thinking about and anticipating the other person’s needs where the goal is to maintain peace & serenity in the midst of a waging storm.

So, how do you do this when a loved one is hallucinating, aggressive, and even belligerent?

Although, our loved ones do not come with instructions on how to handle when they become psychotic it may serve you well to remember these simple rules to weather the storm unharmed.

First, rule take a deep breath and remain calm with a soft voice. Do not be confrontational, angry or frustrated this will only make matters worse since your loved one has no control of his behavior and may often not even know who you are. Thus, if you try to be too assertive they may perceive this as a personal attack and be “forced to defend” themselves which can result in trauma to either you or your loved one.

Second, be patient. Sometimes, particularly if your loved one is demented or has memory loss simply walking away for a few minutes will diffuse the problem. When you return you will often find your loved one in a peasant disposition. This may be a good time to administer their medication to help prevent further outbursts.

Third, be prepared. Discuss with your physician medication changes or additions and also have a plan should they become aggressive. Have emergency contact numbers handy or call 911 particularly if you or your loved one is in danger. This includes keeping dangerous objects or weapons out of sight as well as keys. Maintain open spaces to avoid falls and maintain a soothing environment. Safety is a priority for everyone involved.

Fourth, get help if you don’t feel up to the challenge. Caring for anyone with a chronic illness whether it be Parkinson’s or dementia can be both physically and emotionally exhausting. Therefore, if you cannot take care of yourself how you can take care of a loved one who depends on you physically and emotionally. If this is the case, you must ask for help from family, friends and or consider alternative care like nursing home. Make sure you tap into all resources available. Speak to your loved ones physician or provided for referral to social worker or home health agencies. You would be glad you did and your loved one would be best suited to have your love if not your time.